Novelist Katherine Anne Porter once wrote, “Love must be learned, and learned again; there is no end to it.” Love should not remain the same year after year; love is supposed to grow. Relationships evolve over time, people change over time, and our love should strengthen and grow over time too. The apostle Paul prayed that our love would abound and grow in knowledge and depth of insight. That tells me that I cannot put my love on autopilot. If we put our love on autopilot and think that the people in our lives will simply “know” that we love them, our relationships will not grow or be as fruitful as they were intended to be. That’s why it’s so important to make every effort to keep strong connections in our relationships.
Several years ago when Joel and I assumed leadership at the ministry, our lives became fuller and more complicated. Oftentimes, we found ourselves moving in different directions, so we had to make an extra effort to connect with each other throughout the day. We recognized that if we didn’t make the effort, we’d find ourselves breezing right by each other, with our minds preoccupied with the tasks at hand. So, to help keep the connection, we decided to acknowledge each other every time we pass. Sometimes we high five, sometimes it’s a quick “I love you,” or a kiss on the lips. It’s not important how we connect, but it is important that we do connect. We are both busy people during the day but whenever we see each other, everything else is placed on hold for a moment while we connect. Keep our connections strong, helps keep our hearts moving in the same direction.
Leaving notes is a wonderful and easy way to keep connections. When Joel travels without me, I put little notes in his socks just to say “I love you.” (I have also been known to put photos of us in his suitcase.) You may want to leave sweet notes around the house, in a drawer, under a pillow, or on the TV remote as little reminders to the people you love that they are valuable to you. It takes time and effort to maintain the connections in our relationships. Sometimes when someone hurts or offends us, we can be tempted to disconnect. But one of the most common mistakes people make in relationships is to give the other person the silent treatment in an effort to pull back.
Joel and I have decided that sometimes you have just to agree to disagree. One of the most freeing experiences is to recognize that you are two different people who see things differently, and you can still love each other and stay connected. Just because you have a disagreement with your friends or family members does not mean there are not plenty of other areas on which you see eye to eye. It just means you have a difference of opinion. Having the same heart and the same goal is what maintains a good connection. There will be times when we do not agree on every decision or subject, but we should always believe in one another, support one another, and move forward through life together — connected.